Turns out, you can!
And, you can learn how—through parts work.
It’s a therapeutic process that embraces the mind as a multifaceted system, inclusive of interacting parts. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a kind of therapy that celebrates multiplicity and fosters healing through this lens. IFS is the cornerstone of Parts & Labor.
We all have parts. Some work hard to help us function in the world and keep up appearances. Some hold painful memories, feelings and beliefs that other parts would rather not know about, much less experience. So, when inner turbulence starts to surface, we have reactive parts that help us contain or ignore it—with screens and substances, binges or benders, blowing up, shutting down, and the like. After these disruptions, regret or embarrassment may set in, which, in turn, can evoke critical parts, skilled at shoring up appearances (no matter the cost) in a not-so-accepting world. Maybe you’ve lived this story, or you know someone who has.
It turns out, parts want what most of us want: the safety that comes with being accepted, struggles and all. Through IFS, I help clients create that safety and release natural healing capacities.
The process offers validation to wounded, vulnerable parts who often believe themselves unworthy of love and belonging. It invites protective parts to shift out of criticizing, numbing, distracting, and other ways to managing pain. In IFS, we learn to work with parts, not against them. They begin to feel more open and less conflicted with one another. Inherent qualities of calmness, courage and creativity emerge. This is how we build trust within ourselves. It is how we find the clarity and confidence to bring compassionate curiosity to our relationships and to the wider world. This is the work of IFS.
That makes sense. All three responses (in fact, any response) is welcome in IFS therapy. It isn’t about promoting one thing and rejecting another. It’s about getting to know yourself—the whole of you—by giving attention to each exquisite part of you.
You can allow yourself to wonder, who’s behind the reasonable doubt? Who’s behind the overwhelm, or the persistent, aggravating habit? You even get to ask, “Who’s aggravated?,” and experience the answer.
That’s right. Reaching for a part of yourself with curiosity and patience (with no assumptions or agendas) can give rise to clear, unmistakable insights and feelings of being understood. It’s a direct experience that’s yours to keep, and it marks a new way to heal by being with yourself: inhabiting your body, allowing sensations, listening, receiving and honoring what emerges.
Like most people, I learned to reject, suppress, fix or frighten parts of myself on the way to becoming an adult. IFS has shown me how to work with those parts, not against them.
I trained through the IFS Institute, and I work online with individuals who want to pursue this therapeutic modality. In my practice, I aspire to help clients listen within themselves, and trust that the process will lead to healing through connection. I believe we can get there from here, and we can help one another get there, too.
If you’re considering IFS therapy with me, schedule a free 30 minute intro session at the link below. Or, send me an email.
Book a SessionTherapist, practitioners and coaches can deepen understanding and application of the model in consultation with Jason Weber, Certified IFS Therapist and Approved IFS Clinical Consultant. Jason offers consultation services to individuals and groups.
Find Out MoreInternal Family Systems is evidence-based psychotherapy. It is also an approach to living in harmony with oneself and others. Learn more about IFS at the link below.
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My earliest experiences took place in contexts where white privilege was centered but unspoken, masculinity was rewarded, competence was expected, women were marginalized, and resources were scarce. Parts of me carry burdens of shame, bias, and prejudice from my exposure to discrimination and systemic injustice. Healing is my responsibility, and IFS therapy is key to that process. I aspire to be an ally to clients by devoting time and attention to understanding legacies of oppression and their impacts.
